None of us ever really expect to find ourselves in the care of the local hospice, especially not in our 30’s but it happens.
When it does, the one thing we’ll hope for is that the people looking after us will understand just how shocking and devastating it is to be given an end-of-life diagnosis, how frightened we are and how very helpless we and our loved ones are feeling…
Life was looking good for Chester couple Ashley and Tanya English.
Ashley’s career in the food industry was on track and Tanya was preparing for the birth of their second child, a brother to Ellis, then aged four.
The young family was planning a house move and Tanya was excited at the prospect of a new job where she would be able to help other people, something she cared about deeply.
Myles arrived on 2 July 2021, fit and healthy. Everyone was delighted. Little could the family have imagined the cruel rollercoaster ride that awaited them…
Within just a few weeks, Tanya noticed a lump whilst she was breastfeeding Myles. Tests confirmed the couple’s worst fears. Breast cancer. After five months of chemotherapy and two major surgeries followed by three weeks of exhausting radiotherapy, the prospects looked good.
“Although we realised she was still at risk, the tests were clear and everything looked good,” Ashley, 37, recalled. “We had a great summer and we were starting to get our lives back together after everything that Tanya had been through.
“We had a brilliant family trip to London including two nights at The Savoy to help us begin to put it all behind us. In October, we had a fantastic family holiday in Tenerife: it meant so much to Tanya that she was able to start enjoying these trips with her two little boys as a complete family.
“She was getting stronger all the time, more confident in herself and about the future. Things were looking positive.”
In November, Tanya noticed another lump in her arm. A subsequent ultrasound and further scans in January this year confirmed that the cancer had returned. “That was such a blow,” said Ashley.
Worse still, the couple faced the desperate news that the cancer had spread throughout Tanya’s body. More gruelling radiotherapy and chemotherapy followed.
Despite everything, the couple decided to press ahead with a house move in Upton, Chester, just one week after the shock re-diagnosis. As a cruel irony, that was also the time when Tanya had been due to take up a new role as a coordinator for a leading cancer support charity, an opportunity that had to be shelved.
In March, the back pain started. More hospital visits followed with more scans and consultations. The cancer had now spread into Tanya’s spine. After agreeing to one last radiotherapy session, primarily to try and relieve the pain in her back and legs, Tanya decided to stop further treatment.
“She had endured so much,” said Ashley. “The pain, the shattered hopes and crushing disappointments, the constant traveling to and from hospitals, the waiting and all the pain and discomfort, month after month. She fought so incredibly hard for me and the children but she had just had enough.”
Tanya celebrated her 37th birthday in January. In April, The Palliative Care Nurse suggested that she be referred to The Hospice of the Good Shepherd, primarily to provide a respite break to Ashley and Tanya’s parents, Mark and Annette who were doing so much to help look after their daughter and grandchildren.
Ashley continued: “Tanya was one of those people who always put everyone before herself: we saw this as an opportunity to put her first.
“She had a lovely bright room at the hospice with all the specialist support, equipment and facilities that she needed. We all soon realised and agreed that this was definitely the right place for Tanya. In fact they made us feel at home and cared for in such a sensitive way. Everyone we met at the Hospice from the doctors and nurses to the care staff and volunteers always had time for all of us.”
Tanya passed away on 28 April.
“The staff were so caring, there for her day and night to provide whatever she needed. The chef would prepare whatever she wanted to eat at any time. She was comfortable and she was at ease and that was so important to us. The complementary therapy sessions really made a difference too.
“It wasn’t at all what we were expecting as we knew so little about Hospice care. Nothing was too much of an issue and the staff went above and beyond in caring for us as a family. They did everything they could, and that was a great deal, to help us focus on Tanya and be there for her.”
Ashley was nervous about bringing their young children in to the hospice: “The staff made them so welcome, encouraging them to explore as well as spending time with their mum. That did such a lot to normalise the situation and that was so important.
He praised the hospice’s ‘Reflect’ bereavement support team for their help. “It’s not easy finding a way of telling such young children that their mummy is going to die. I got such good advice and reassurance from the Reflect team, they were so genuine and caring and I may well use their counselling services again in the months ahead.”
“The hospice is a phenomenal place with incredible staff,” Ashley added.
Nearly £1,500 was collected at Tanya’s funeral as a ‘thank you’ to the hospice for its care and support. In addition, a group of 12 of Tanya’s close friends, together with her parents, took part in the hospice’s Sparkle Walk in June raising an addition £6,000 for the hospice.
“Tanya was such a beautiful soul who was taken far too young,” said close friend Rosie Furnifer.
“The hospice provided the most amazing care and support to Tanya and her family in her final weeks and that’s why some of us took park in the Sparkle Walk, to raise some vital funds.”
Ashley concluded: “As a family, we hope this article will help raise awareness of the great work done at the Hospice and reassure people that the support they offer is so important at such a difficult time in the lives of local families.”
